Spring 2018 was a dark, cold, rainy season. Depression was a thing. Forever feeling stuck, alone, depressed, bored, lonely, sad. Digging deep to seek resolve, I knew in my heart that something needed to give, to loosen, to release, to shift.

I began the magical art of tidying up and letting go of the things in my life that were dragging me down. Twelve years in a townhouse with plenty of nooks and crannies and a yard and a shed to store things, you can only imagine the accumulation of stuff…Weeks and months of sorting, donating, repurposing, finding a new home for all the things that did not serve me any longer. 

And when I say Spring 2018 was dark, cold and rainy, I mean it was miserable. It rained for days and days. Torrential down pours. It was bone chilling and damp. Darkness for over a month with no sign of light. And if anyone knows me, they know, I am ruled by the sun. I am a lioness, born during the height of summer when it is hazy, hot, and humid and I absolutely love every second of it. The hotter the better. So, I took a journey south to thaw out and be with my best friend and shop for a new life, a new home, a new job. But the place, time and circumstances did not make my heart sing. 

I kept searching and seeking and wondering and dreaming and manifesting. I soon found an amazing little crow’s nest with a view of the ocean in a new town in walking distance to everything you cold ever imagine. A complete dream come true! So I jumped on the chance to move ocean side and change my life. 

Offer accepted in less than 24 hours, townhouse listed and sold in less than a week…the magical art of tidying up paid off, things were beginning to shift, and this was only the tip of the iceberg. As I packed, the letting go intensified as my crow’s nest was just that. Smaller. Downsizing. Rightsizing. Whichever way you look at it, I only kept what was necessary and the rest went.

This process solidified a message in my heart and soul. ENOUGH. I have enough. I am enough. I do not need to keep up with the Jones’s. I ultimately want to live a life that is simple, happy and free. 

I moved into my happy little crow’s nest. Then the shit hit the fan. Like for reals. The most shit I’ve ever seen in a short amount of time. I got sick. My Dad got sick. I got better. My Dad did not. He passed away. I got sick again and remained sick for the next several months. Miserably sick. Decreased lung capacity. Bronchitis which felt more like walking pneumonia. Brain fog. Work is busier and more of a shit show than ever. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. 

I went to see my doctor and not my PCP, my homeopathic MD, she is always on point. “This is not normal.” I cried. “I can’t take it anymore. I sleep all the time. I can’t move. I scrape myself up to get to work, walk the dog, go to yoga. Even meeting friends, I have to muster up the energy and courage to go, cuz I know I’ll be exhausted for days after just a few hours in a public space.” She runs blood work.

Weeks later, results are in. Bartonella (3.23 points over negative which is zero) My body is not producing cortisol, serotonin or B12. My doctor’s like “Your adrenals are basically fried.” My immune system is fried. My spirit is fried. I’m frikkin’ fried to a crisp. The same week I had to put my cat down. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. 

I am on a detoxifying cleanse that has a 99% success rate of killing all diseases that are tick born and more. I pray to a power higher than myself that this is the end of feeling like shit. The end all be all of being fried to a crisp with zero energy or lust for life because I can’t move or think or function or stay awake long enough to enjoy my life.

Then there is work. I resigned. I cried. I can’t take it anymore. 80% of the stress in my life is a result of working for a shit show. Day in and day out. More work, more projects, more to do. No support staff. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. There are only 40 hours in each work week and I can’t get it all done. I work smarter, harder and pack it all in with no end in sight. I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. I literally can’t do it any more. After twenty-plus years as a designer, a photographer, an art director, a creative director, the only thing I truly need is to be supported and have work-life balance. I cannot find these things. I resigned. I cried. I can’t take it anymore. WTF. 

The shift and the shit is real, literally catapulting me into a new space in time. FREEDOM. Freedom from the ball and chain that is the rat race. TIME. Free time to explore and be and do and seek and find all the things in my life that make my heart sing out in joy. 

There is no time like the present. Life is too short. Each day we have the chance to begin again.  Start over. Pull up your boot straps and move on. Take the bull by the horns. All the cliches all day long. But it’s true. Move forward. Do what you love. Be the best version of yourself. Don’t be scared. JUST. DO. IT.  The best design project in the world is the one where you get to curate and design you own life. 

If It’s Not A HELL’S YEAH…It’s A FUCK NO!!!