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WHERE AM I?
I have come a long way from that girl taking Hatha yoga classes at the town community center close to two decades ago. Very soon after my discovery of Hatha, the Vinyasa boom hit our market. My Hatha teacher invited me to her ‘practical’ exam for her teacher training at a place called Open Doors Power Yoga. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but went anyways as I found so much value in the yoga education and experience I was getting.
Open Doors was THE PLACE. Hot. Steamy. Mats nose to toes. An antique building where a dance studio previously resided. The vibe was eclectic and this thing called Vinyasa felt amazing in my body. I took to it like a fish to water.
Open Doors has multiple studios, driving distance from my house, so I kept showing up to sweat out all the things that needed to be sweat out. I got strong, even though I was still a hot mess at the core of my being. I felt so much value in the transformation that was happening that I saved my pretty little pennies and joined the Open Doors 200HR Yoga Teacher Training to simply ‘deepen my practice’.
At that time I had no frikkin’ idea that yoga was an ancient practice. I did not know that there were books upon volumes of books on the subject. Some ancient texts, some modern. I was blown away by the rich history and philosophy behind what I was doing. I have been a yoga nerd ever since.
WHERE AM I?
I am still teaching. I am still practicing. I am still learning. I will never stop. What yoga brings to my life is more than a physical practice. It is community. It is connection. It is spirit. It physically enhances my being. It stabilizes my mind, body and spirit. It is amazing.
I have been teaching for almost 15 years and practicing for much longer than that. I have studied with some of the most inspiring leaders from the local community. I have also had the wonderful opportunity of studying with some the great teachers from our national market. I won’t go into a laundry list of the who’s and the what’s. Just know that my life has been enriched at quite a profound level by simply stumbling upon the practice of yoga in the basement of the community center because I was looking for something to fill up the empty space in my life. It has been a continuous practice of persevering and embracing all things yogic with an open mind. Trust the process.
I lost my big girl job due to the pandemic on April 1st, 2020…Happy April Fool’s Day! Accept, it wasn’t a joke. I promised myself from that day forward that I would not fall into an abyss of depression, fear, worry. I chose a positive pandemic. I have spent the last several months finding a groove with freedom. I have taken a bunch of professional development courses. I took off for twenty days in my car with my dog during the first height of the pandemic. I spent lots of time at beaches, at pandemic safe outdoor concerts and BBQs with friends and on my SUP and with my PUP.
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CORE OF COVID
Eight months…honestly, the greatest time of my life! There I said it. The loss of my 23 year career due to a worldwide pandemic some how has ended up being the exact thing that I needed.
After several years of culminating and overwhelming stress that led to illness. Buying and selling a home, the passing of my father, resigning and then re-signing up for Corporate America. My body, mind and spirit just couldn’t keep up. A Covid-19 layoff was the most productive thing that has happened to me. EVER. I literally feel like I have come back to the core of my being. I am relaxed, calm and at peace.
At the onset of sheltering in place and the consequent loss of my daily grind, I made a choice. A choice to not let fear and the unknown settle into my daily thoughts. For the love of God, I have had enough of that in my life. I chose to not let the negative backlash of the world seep into my being.
Thankfully, just before Corporate America released me into a summer of freedom, I ordered a Peloton. I did not cancel that order, as I knew, the second that damn thing arrived, it was going to be my savior and it has been EVER since. With top notch instruction and coaches that know how to motivate and inspire, my mindset is solid, strong and positive.
I AM. I CAN. I WILL. I DO.
~ Christine D’Entremont ~ Peloton CoachA love for the great outdoors has become an invaluable asset during a time when indoor activities are simply not a good idea. I have spent countless mornings walking along the shoreline that is my ‘backyard’ settling into moving meditation and allowing my thoughts to ebb and flow. Discovering off-the-beaten-path places has also been a major bonus of living in a world of isolation. I may wander…but I am not lost.
The summer came in like a lion, nearly an entire month earlier than normal, temps soared into bikini and beach weather. The first thing I did was get those surf racks on the car to get my butt in gear for as much SUP as humanly possible. Just yet another advantage of living ocean side…connecting to the spirit of Blue Mind daily has changed my life.
SETTLING IN TO BEING FREE
Settling into being free is not easy. I am industrious by nature and idle time generally gets put to good use. I took about eight weeks of crash courses in digital marketing to keep my mind occupied and productive, even learning a little bit about entrepreneurship along the way. I am that person who enjoys working towards a goal or a cause. I chose active body and active mind for peace and health.
HELLS YEAH!!!
I got an offer to stay with a friend in Folly Beach. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. My course work had just ended, I was struggling to find employment at the height of the first wave of the pandemic. I was in the middle of seeking out yet another level of education to bury my nose in, yet my gut came through with a resounding HELLS YEAH!!! Get on that Folly Beach bus and GO!!! So I did : )
It happened quick and there was not a ton of planning involved besides figuring out what would fit in my car and coordinating tandem driving with my friend. I knew I didn’t want to come back anytime soon, so I penciled in a date on my calendar that was a little over two weeks out for a return date home. As my new reality settled in, I soon discovered my journey was about friendships that got lost track of and a museum dedicated to my favorite band of all time. So it went something like this:
Folly Beach, SC > Macon, GA > Newnan, GA > Folly Beach, SC > Fuquay Varina, NC, Toms River, NJ
It was quite the adventure. I got to see things I never seen. Visit and bond with friends that feel like family who have since relocated from Massachusetts, I even met a lot of cool people along the way. Lots and lots of miles and photographs, a sore back and a very contracted psoas muscle.
It all seems like a distant memory. Not much has changed. The job market is oversaturated with folks in the same boat as me. While there seems to be plenty of opportunities for roles that fit the shape of what my career looked like prior to the pandemic, the abundance of applicants must be overwhelming, as I have barely got any callbacks besides a few scams and one place that didn’t see value in hiring someone with over two decades of experience and low-balled a salary offer that I just could not succumb to.
Covid is still a thing and it feels like it is here to stay. My entire adult life I have dreamed of having an entire summer to myself to travel and explore and decompress and get back to the core of who I am. It took a pandemic to stop the world pretty much dead in its tracks for peace and calm and freedom to bubble up.
“YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING.”
~ Jay Shetty ~ Think Like A MonkI believe who you are when no one is watching is exactly how you show up in this world. Choosing between fear and depression or actively rising above the media, the loss, the panic, worry and fear of the pandemic was a bold maneuver and also a blessing. I now see things very differently and am focusing on what truly brings me joy. I am teaching yoga, packing and delivery the best organic produce in our marketplace, all while working on a product/service offering to launch into the New Year with. Stay tuned on that!
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How The F*@# Are YOU A Yoga Teacher?
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HOW DO YOU LIVE?
I am the eternal optimist. I live in gratitude. I live in awe and fascination with the natural beauty of the world which surrounds us. I am curious. I am industrious. I persevere through thick and thin. I believe who you are when no one is watching is exactly how you show up in this world in every single thing that you do. I believe in serendipity. I believe the universe provides in unimaginable ways. If you can slow down enough to feel to the core of your being…you might just see it and feel it and know.
“YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING”
~ JAY SHETTY ~ THINK LIKE A MONKWhen most people hear that you lost your job due to a worldwide pandemic they grovel at you with apologetic sorrow and pity. To me it was the greatest GIFT! I have worked since the time I was 13 years old. When the world pulled the plug on my life’s sustenance I made a decision. I promised myself that I would not get caught up in the toxicity that is the media. I took a couple weeks to let the rumble of emotion settle. I allowed myself to live without schedule or worry and it was odd. The thing I discovered was that I was craving PURPOSE. So I shifted…
“THE WAY WE DO ANYTHING IS THE WAY WE DO EVERYTHING”
~ MARTHA BECK ~I love having a solid purpose and foundation to launch forward from into my life. Not working was the strangest, most paralyzing feeling I’d ever experienced. I had the freedom I’ve always wanted and at the same time my brain did not know what to do with it. I knew I needed to lock in some daily rituals to ground me down into my purpose. I promised myself I would not mash my ass on the couch and turn into a Netflix and junk food zombie. I put myself on a schedule, the hours of which were quite similar to when I was working. Up early for some morning exercise, showered and working on something by 9am. It felt good.
YOGA . PELOTON . BEACH . HIKE . SUP . LIVE MUSIC
(THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT KEEP ME SANE)But there was this empty feeling. I dug a little bit and decided to enhance my knowledge base. Knowing my background as a creative professional was a solid foundation, I thought, what could I do to position myself better for when the job market opens back up. I decided to take some classes in Digital Marketing. Turns out the three courses that I took also had deep seeded entrepreneurial roots. I learned alot about myself, including the realization that I do not want to become a digital marketer for anyone else. If I am going to work that hard at something it is going to be for myself.
ENTREPRENUER SPOTLIGHT
With all this free time … what is a girl to do? Being the industrious human that I have always been, I meddle and get involved with things to keep my mind busy and continue to grow personally and professionally. I learned this thing called NETWORKING. I spent the better portion of each day doing just that. Seeking out networking groups that support small businesses. I was merely seeking connection and opportunity. One night I woke up and thought, what if I start promoting small businesses? The Entrepreneur Spotlight was born!
I began interviewing small business owners. The show was literally all about them. I sent them a questionnaire that prompted them to tell the story behind how their small business came about. At the end of the program, they were given the opportunity to plug their business and whatever call to action they wanted to share with the audience. It was a BIG HIT! I had 14 consecutive weeks of live weekly guests. I ran the show even while I was on my two week cross country excursion. What a wonderful opportunity this turned into, I have met and became virtual friends with so many wonderfully interesting humans! All during a worldwide pandemic when human connection was in severe lack. This show kept me going and motivated me through what could have easily been emotionally the hardest time of my life.
ALL THE THINGS…
HEALTHY . WEALTHY . WISEI began to realize that The Entrepreneur Spotlight was limiting me in what topics I could feature on the show and it came to a halt. It took me a little bit, but I discovered that with my background and varied interests both professionally and personally I needed to branch out. Once again…it came to me in the middle of the night…I wanted to feature ALL THE THINGS…HEALTHY. WEALTH. WISE…and my new programming was born. I am now able to feature any guest, any topic, go solo or with a wingmate!
VIBRANT BALANCED LIFE
I have lived my whole life seeking balance. Work-life balance. It is most certainly a difficult road to travel. 40+ hours a week grinding for an entity that at the drop of a hat sets you free into the world when it is no longer convenient or profitable for them to keep you. The harsh reality is no one out there can take better care of you than YOU.
This realization took me 19 years to discover. And when that light turned on in my heart and soul I resigned from a job that treated me poorly, would not advance me, stopped giving raises even though the cost of living keeps rising every year, and did not value the skill and professionalism of my work style. I resigned.
I moved on. To a new industry. I was a leader, a director and all the things to that office and that team. It only took a short time for the pressure to ensue. The amount that was expected of me was equal to that of three employees. I am conscientious, I am a hard worker and I persevere. Somehow I got it all done. To my own detriment. The amount of stress that I was under in my short two and half years at this company spiraled my mindset out of control. My body slowly creeped into malfunction. My adrenal glands were literally fried. My body was not producing cortisol and the level of stress I was under created an environment where my Lyme Disease reared its ugly head.
I lived day in and day out with brain fog, chronic pain and exhaustion. I was depressed and irritable as all the systems of my body were misfiring. I could not take it any longer. One morning I mustered up the courage and told my boss I needed to resign. I gave ample notice and left on amicable terms. I continued on with them as a freelance designer for several months. Even that triggered stress and anxiety in my body, mind and spirit. So I let it go…
Several months later I got a call. A company I had been interviewing with that fell off the face of the planet came back into my orbit. I had my reservations, but they made me an offer I could not refuse. I stepped down in rank, but was going to make more money with a bonus structure in place that rewarded me quarterly. I figured what have I got to lose? So off I went, back into the arena, the grind, the rat race.
I was only there for about a month when I realized I was working at a highly dysfunctional establishment. They were operating at a level similar to what my very first big girl job felt like way back in 1998. Every single thing that happened was truncated and slow and disorganized and not communicated well. A room full of millennials that were expert complainers without the skill to create solutions. I knew this role was temporary, a stepping stone, an awakening on my path. I was there for 9 months and my position was eliminated at the onslaught of the pandemic.
THE SHIFT
I have spent a lot of time building out a portfolio website for my graphic design company. This was a personal vendetta for me. I just needed to get it done. My vision is complete! Although I am no longer driven by that part of my life…Strange but true. Something I have worked so long and so hard building and cultivating just does not feel right any more. A portal on the world wide web that houses the me that is a designer will live on forever in tandem with my photography portfolio.
RE-SCAFFOLDING
I am happy to say that the re-scaffolding of my life has been the most fulfilling, yet challenging process of my life to date. I am delving into my passion. I am teaching public Yoga classes. I am teaching private Yoga classes. I manage Yoga schedules, mentor and coach other Yoga humans. I manage members and coordinate events at a luxury spa. I am enrolled in an advanced level Yoga Teacher Training which I graduate from on June 27th! I have a mentor and coach who is guiding, motivating and inspiring me as the re-scaffolding continues to unfold.
I currently feel quite possibly the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. It is odd to me that the several hundred positions that I have applied for that line up with what traditional careers might be like for some, just have not come to fruition. The health and wellness industry is thriving and I am at the forefront of its expansion as Massachusetts propels forward into a completely open restriction free Summer 2021!
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POSITIVE PANDEMIC
Just over a year ago I resigned. Just over a month ago my position was eliminated as part of the Covid-19 downsizing of Corporate America. Just over two months now, I have spent sheltering in place all by my lonesome…well, there is Buddy and a fish named Magoo to keep me company.
WHAT NOW???
Realizing that the world economy as we know it will never be the same again. I thought…What do I want my life to look like on the other side of all of this? The first thing I did was assess my situation. What did I have that was an asset that could help me on my journey? What things do I already own that can help me? What things in my life are holding me back? Are there people, things or habits that I need to let go of? I had to lean in, cuz the faster I can get to acceptance, the less pain I will endure, and I can simply move on.
COURAGE AND FEAR ARE INVERSE RELATIONSHIPS
WHICH EVER ONE YOU LEAN INTO WILL GROW
CHOOSE WISELYI got rid of unnecessary subscriptions/memberships immediately. I had a meeting with my financial advisor. I leaned into MLM and our Business School. I have gained so much benefit from the teachings of my leaders the value is unparalleled. Those who speak from the heart, have constant contact, are generous with their time, wisdom and advise and choose to offer solutions and inspiration daily that are applicable to not only the business we are trying to build but to so many other avenues and aspects of life. This is true servant leadership. The only thing in my life that has given me this much wisdom and value has been my 500+ hours of yoga teacher training. Everything I have learned has allowed me to come into a place where my courage is greater than my fear.
COME INTO A PLACE WHERE YOUR COURAGE IS GREATER THAN YOUR FEAR
Loosing a job is not the end of the world. Getting laid off is not an uncommon thing, especially right now. It is not unheard of. It is not the worst thing I have been through and I am about halfway through my life, and I doubt it will be the most severe thing I have to overcome in my time on this planet. I have literally been treating this time with gratitude. When else in my career will I be paid to stay at home and figure out the next chapter of my life. Sabbatical.
SABBATICAL
So I keep an open mind. I feel like the things I need to move forward in life are coming at me in full force. I signed up for a ten day digital marketing course that two of my colleagues were running. It was so inspiring and got me into an entrepreneurial spirit. After the ten days was up, I signed up for another digital marketing course. This one is a 30 Day Challenge and I will come out of it with a completed project that will position me to be profitable in the market place. More to come on that in the near future!
My lesson to you is to not get caught up in the fear of uncertainty. The quicker you get on the other side of fear, the quicker you can move on. The sooner you let go of fear, you will find ease and be able to move onward and upward. Dig deep. Find the courage to rise above. Get out of your comfort zone. Lean in. Pull through. Push forward. Figure out what you want and GET ON IN! And Remember: A closed mind is the most expensive thing you can own that will cost you everything.
Don’t get me wrong…there was some drama leading up to the soundness in my mind…so here ya go:
Friday the 13th. March 2020
Panic meeting from the boss lady. FaceTime. She’s out scouting locations. Her phone is shaking cuz she is jolting around trying to find a private place to talk to us and the overall state of panic and uncertainty is plastered all over her face. It was quick. Basically, gather your things and plan to work from home the following week. Any questions? No. We all go back to our desks and start preparing files and paperwork to send/bring home. The office is buzzing as every department had just got out of the exact same meeting. Panic. Fear. Worry. I get my shit together and get the eff out of there as fast as humanly possible.
PANIC . FEAR . WORRY
Friday the 27th. March 2020
This is the day a friend stops by to take a “Front Porch Project” pic of me and Buds. Accept it is not on my front steps, it is taken in what I call my backyard which is the beautiful ocean scape approximately 800 feet from my front door. Photographer friend used to work in my office. She’s like…what do you think is gonna happen with work? I’m like I have no idea, just taking each day as it comes. That is so me.
No lie…it felt like just moments after she drove off to her next front porch, I get a meeting on my calendar for after work hours. I am like seriously, this whole WFH situation has been a shit storm and now they want me to sit in a meeting on a Friday after quitting time? I’m like…whatever. Next thing I know I am getting an email from the CEO of the company. I’m like “oh great. Here we go…” This letter was obviously piece mailed together, the fonts and spacing were in all different sizes and so obvi written by different people. I am like c’mon now…let’s get it together you are a million dollar company.
This email was basically a WARNING. The company plans to layoff, furlough and force job sharing. But they can’t let us know who or what is happening for sure until Wednesday of the following week. I let that settle for a moment. I am like seriously…It would be so much easier to cope if you just ripped the bandaid off in one fell swoop. Instead we get to chew on that over the weekend and a few days into the following week. How thoughtful of them.
Then boss lady calls an immediate meeting…we all hop on the video chat and have to sit there and wait for like five minutes cuz one girl is out and about with her son and nowhere near something she can video chat on. So we wait. We sit in the virtual meeting room and no one says a word. They just stare at each other and wait for the last of our group to hop on. Finally, we are all together and then boss lady has nothing really to tell us that is any different from the shite letter we just got from the CEO.
PANIC . FEAR . WORRY
I pour some vodka, call my Front Porch Project friend, commiserate momentarily. Then go for a quick hike at my favorite place to go seal watching and all is well in the world again. Monday arrives and we have our first thing in the morning virtual staff meeting and everyone looks solemn. And the days progress just like that until doomsday.
Wednesday the 1st. April 2020
Yep. April Fool’s Day 2020 was no joke. The whole day was just weird. Surreal even. You know something is going to happen but you have no idea when or how. About mid-morning I can see the boss lady’s calendar fill up with a sequence of fifteen minute meetings back-to-back. I’m like it’s starting. Here we go. But I did not get a meeting invite? G-chat from co-worker who was curious if I knew or heard anything. I notice boss lady’s calendar of events has disappeared. In my head, they made them private, the fact that I could see them was an oversight on their part…Then I get a text from another coworker saying she is safe, we are safe, our department is safe. That is the last time I heard from that person ever again.
And then I get the meeting invite. And that was it…my email got shut down while I was on the phone with HR. Never in my life have I felt more like a number in sea of whatevers. The conversation was scripted and one sided. I tried to make inquiries but she just kept talking over me. I remained professional and understanding to the situation. They even thanked me for that. It truly was a heartless and faceless transaction. I had to go in and clean out my desk several weeks later. That was like going back to a crime scene especially with the mask and gloves on.
BUMMED IS WHAT YOU ARE WHEN YOU GET THE CALL FROM HR AND YOU LOOSE YOUR JOB
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LIFE CHANGES
Spring 2018 was a dark, cold, rainy season. Depression was a thing. Forever feeling stuck, alone, depressed, bored, lonely, sad. Digging deep to seek resolve, I knew in my heart that something needed to give, to loosen, to release, to shift.
I began the magical art of tidying up and letting go of the things in my life that were dragging me down. Twelve years in a townhouse with plenty of nooks and crannies and a yard and a shed to store things, you can only imagine the accumulation of stuff…Weeks and months of sorting, donating, repurposing, finding a new home for all the things that did not serve me any longer.
And when I say Spring 2018 was dark, cold and rainy, I mean it was miserable. It rained for days and days. Torrential down pours. It was bone chilling and damp. Darkness for over a month with no sign of light. And if anyone knows me, they know, I am ruled by the sun. I am a lioness, born during the height of summer when it is hazy, hot, and humid and I absolutely love every second of it. The hotter the better. So, I took a journey south to thaw out and be with my best friend and shop for a new life, a new home, a new job. But the place, time and circumstances did not make my heart sing.
I kept searching and seeking and wondering and dreaming and manifesting. I soon found an amazing little crow’s nest with a view of the ocean in a new town in walking distance to everything you cold ever imagine. A complete dream come true! So I jumped on the chance to move ocean side and change my life.
Offer accepted in less than 24 hours, townhouse listed and sold in less than a week…the magical art of tidying up paid off, things were beginning to shift, and this was only the tip of the iceberg. As I packed, the letting go intensified as my crow’s nest was just that. Smaller. Downsizing. Rightsizing. Whichever way you look at it, I only kept what was necessary and the rest went.
This process solidified a message in my heart and soul. ENOUGH. I have enough. I am enough. I do not need to keep up with the Jones’s. I ultimately want to live a life that is simple, happy and free.
I moved into my happy little crow’s nest. Then the shit hit the fan. Like for reals. The most shit I’ve ever seen in a short amount of time. I got sick. My Dad got sick. I got better. My Dad did not. He passed away. I got sick again and remained sick for the next several months. Miserably sick. Decreased lung capacity. Bronchitis which felt more like walking pneumonia. Brain fog. Work is busier and more of a shit show than ever. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm.
I went to see my doctor and not my PCP, my homeopathic MD, she is always on point. “This is not normal.” I cried. “I can’t take it anymore. I sleep all the time. I can’t move. I scrape myself up to get to work, walk the dog, go to yoga. Even meeting friends, I have to muster up the energy and courage to go, cuz I know I’ll be exhausted for days after just a few hours in a public space.” She runs blood work.
Weeks later, results are in. Bartonella (3.23 points over negative which is zero) My body is not producing cortisol, serotonin or B12. My doctor’s like “Your adrenals are basically fried.” My immune system is fried. My spirit is fried. I’m frikkin’ fried to a crisp. The same week I had to put my cat down. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm.
I am on a detoxifying cleanse that has a 99% success rate of killing all diseases that are tick born and more. I pray to a power higher than myself that this is the end of feeling like shit. The end all be all of being fried to a crisp with zero energy or lust for life because I can’t move or think or function or stay awake long enough to enjoy my life.
Then there is work. I resigned. I cried. I can’t take it anymore. 80% of the stress in my life is a result of working for a shit show. Day in and day out. More work, more projects, more to do. No support staff. Fatigue. Stress. Overwhelm. There are only 40 hours in each work week and I can’t get it all done. I work smarter, harder and pack it all in with no end in sight. I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. I literally can’t do it any more. After twenty-plus years as a designer, a photographer, an art director, a creative director, the only thing I truly need is to be supported and have work-life balance. I cannot find these things. I resigned. I cried. I can’t take it anymore. WTF.
The shift and the shit is real, literally catapulting me into a new space in time. FREEDOM. Freedom from the ball and chain that is the rat race. TIME. Free time to explore and be and do and seek and find all the things in my life that make my heart sing out in joy.
There is no time like the present. Life is too short. Each day we have the chance to begin again. Start over. Pull up your boot straps and move on. Take the bull by the horns. All the cliches all day long. But it’s true. Move forward. Do what you love. Be the best version of yourself. Don’t be scared. JUST. DO. IT. The best design project in the world is the one where you get to curate and design you own life.
If It’s Not A HELL’S YEAH…It’s A FUCK NO!!!
